uncharted waters
the fact that i had the time and inclination to fly a kite was something close to miraculous. when the piece of shit proved to be designed so poorly that it took a violent nose-dive within seconds of becoming airborne was frustrating to say the least.
oh i know how to fly a kite; in fact i took this pile of crap to the same grassy hill in the cemetery where i've been playing most of my life. i remember feeling the powerful tug of the string between my fingers as the colorful toy soared higher and higher, eventually becoming a tiny dot in the blustery sky.
what came as something of a shock was the anger that surfaced at the failure of this sheet of plastic to take off like i needed it to do. the entire experience became a poisonous representation of every disappointment in my entire life. it became frighteningly clear to me that i am holding on to an enormous pus-filled sack of emotional crap. what else could it be? there i stood, red-faced and ranting because my kite would not fly.
so, for today at least i will pause before each action or gesture and try to define my motive. will it be something genuine, something that will enhance my spirit or merely motions imprinted upon me? to not do what is expected like a circus trick pony. that kite was designed wrong; its shape and weight were not distributed properly. perhaps if i want to get something off the ground it has to be more original. i like the idea of taking parts of myself and encouraging them to fly into the air...i hope i can let go of the string.
prevention is kinder than destruction. each year over six million healthy dogs, cats, puppies and kittens are killed as surplus. remember: neuter, spay and don't let them stray!